Stand Still

Ever feel like life isn't moving? Well, more like your life isn't moving? Looking around I, once again, feel like I am at a stand still. Oh yes, change is coming. In fact it is on its way and will be here sooner than I realize. Yet right now, in this moment I feel at a stand still. Looking around I see people changing, people leaving, people coming, people moving...while I seem stuck. I think this is a phase I go through at least a few times a year. That time of year when life is so busy that I get sick from pure exhaustion...that time of year where I seem to be working nonstop for something that seems out of reach. (In all actuality it is not out of reach, just feels so). I think I am going stir crazy. I love change. I love the newness that comes with it, the exciting exploration of a new challenge, a new place, a new person...all of it. I think I have been in the same place for long enough. I feel the sweet and yet bitter anticipation of what is to come and I am full of excitement and longing. Several months ago I was praying about my life and where God is taking me. At the time I was in a place much like this; a place of longing for a challenge, a change, and the things God has in store. He gently reminded me that I have been here, in this unchanging place for a reason. You see, all my life I have felt like I was in a bubble. I have been protected from so much in my life, and I am so grateful for that. But sometimes that protection doesn't feel like protection. It feels like inexperience...no that's not the correct word...it feels like...being trapped, being naive, or maybe just scared. The amazing part of this story though, is that God didn't leave me in that place of inadequacy. Instead, once more, He showed me how what I felt was inadequacy was actually His doing. It was Him placing me exactly where He wants me. He began to give me an image of my life till now. That image is one of a womb. I was the infant inside this womb, and He...He was the mother carrying me. All my life I have been in Him, as He cared for me. He has nurtured me, and given me everything that I have ever needed to not only be sustained, but to thrive and grow, developing the tools and the abilities to live out my purpose someday. God showed me that as an infant is being carried my its mother for 9 months it learns the mother's voice. There is somethings so beautiful about that depiction to me. For 9 months this child hears one thing steadily, one thing constantly, one thing everyday...the voice of the one who carries her and provides for her. God told me that this time that I perceived as being in a "bubble" was actually His purpose. That in this time where He has protected me, I have been learning His voice. The more one listens to the voice of God, the more one knows that voice...it is distinguishable beyond any other. That is what God has been doing for me. Allowing me to be protected for so many other voices, voices in the world, voices that would do harm, or lead astray. The next part of this image is that of birth. Birth is not a pleasant experience for either the mother, or the infant. It is one of pain, fear, trust, hope, and unfamiliarity as the two enter a brand new experience unsure of all the possibilities to come. As the infant enters into a world of the unfamiliar, it seems harsh, cold, loud, and that infant suddenly feels alone and unprotected. And in the midst of the chaos, do you know what brings that infant back to a place of security and comfort? When the mother begins to speak, "hussshhh, it's ok. I love you. You are perfect, you are beautiful. I love you." In that moment, the infant hears the mother's gently voice above all else, because it has learned the mother's voice. Now, back to how this relates to me. Birth is coming. The unfamiliar life, one that is new, and harsh, chaotic and painful is coming. But I know, that because of this time now. This time where I have felt "stuck" and unproductive, I have actually been learning, growing, strengthening for this moment. I have been learning my Father's voice so that when this world gets loud, I can hear Him speak my name above all else. That to me, is all I need to know. So now, what started as a sigh of longing for what is to come, and a note on feeling stuck has turned into a sigh of relief that I am where I ought to be, and that God is taking care of it all.